Is it still me that makes you sweat?
by ElloDoctor
Summary: Based on "Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off." By P!ATD Very Angsty.


**A/N I've never really written a songfic before but i was listening to this song and was getting SO many kurtbastian feels that i had to write it.**

**i apologise in advance, its really late (or early?) and i'm tired.  
**

**Song is Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off by Panic! At the disco  
**

**i don't own glee or the song.  
**

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The club is crowded with people, all dancing to the beat of the music that is blasting from the speakers in the corner. There's no live band tonight but no one seems to care.

_Am I who you think about in bed?_

Sebastian sees Kurt a few feet away, moving to the heavy bass of the song with complete abandon.

_When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress? _

From here he can see the sweat dripping down his face.

_Then think of what you did. And how I hope to God he was worth it._

He can also see Blaine, hands clutched tightly on Kurt's hips and his face pressed up against his neck. He can see that Blaine is whispering to Kurt but he can't tell what he's saying, doesn't want to either.

_When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin._

He can't tell if Kurt is enjoying Blaine's constant touching because his eyes are closed but he isn't pushing him away.

_I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck,  
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me_

Memories of hot skin, grasping hands and wet lips invade Sebastian's mind. He remembers the feeling of Kurt's hands scratching at his back, leaving marks that would last for days, the feeling of Kurt's pale skin against his lips and the feeling Kurt's hands grabbing at his own.

_Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of.  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?_

"I love you. I love you. I love you." He had whispered the words between the sheets, over and over as if the more he said them, the less his chest would ache with longing.

_No, no, no, you know it will always just be me_

And finally Kurt, had whispered them back and nothing had mattered except the sound of those three little words being spoken and Kurt's warm breath dancing across his skin.

_Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?_

Kurt and Blaine are even closer now, if that's even possible. There isn't even an inch of space between them and like many others in the club, their movements are becoming much more fluid and they seem to be more focused on moving together rather than to the tempo of the song.

_So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?  
_

There are no words for what he is feeling.

_So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus  
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?_

Sebastian is beginning to feel distanced from where he is. He can feel himself slipping away into his memories and he's too far gone to stop and he doesn't want to. If he has to choose between watching Kurt and drowning in the past, the pain of reality would be too much for him to choose the present.

_Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part  
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick._

The screaming was the worst. When Sebastian got angry he wasn't able to stop the words from leaving his mouth and floating through the air like poison. No matter what Kurt said or did, it never hurt him as much as his own words did, even if they weren't even meant for himself.

_I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention._

"This is the way it works Kurt, once everything calms down I'll have more time, I promise." Those were the words he had told Kurt over and over again, every time he'd been forced to work late and some part of him had actually believed them himself and believed that they would be enough for Kurt.

_Now let's not get selfish  
Did you really think I'd let you kill this chorus?_

"I can't do this anymore. I can't just sit waiting for you every night Sebastian I can't." Kurt had been crying when he said that, his tears dripping down his face and sliding off his cheeks. Sebastian had wanted to brush them away with his lips but the complete conviction in Kurt's voice had him rooted to the spot. He knew there was nothing he could say or do to make Kurt stay.

_Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster_

Sebastian was jolted back to the present by the sound of the music morphing into a much slower song. They type of song that you sang to someone you loved, someone you wanted to disappear into, to lose yourself in.

_So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?_

His eyes flitted to where Blaine and Kurt had been before. They were still there but Kurt had turned so that he was facing Blaine. Their hands were joined and their heads were bent together.

_So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,  
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?_

Sebastian's stomach churned with jealousy. He felt alone in the mass of people, it was if despite the heavy music, he could the sound of his own breathing. Of his heart beating. And breaking.

_Dance to this beat_

Come back to me... He wants to yell out, to scream at Kurt, to just notice him.

_Dance to this beat_

Come back to me... But Kurt is completely immersed in the dancing and he is pressing his face into the crook of Blaine's neck and Sebastian almost ceases to exist because now they are not Kurt and Blaine. They are together and Sebastian struggles to separate them.

_Dance to this beat  
_

Come back to me... Sebastian turns, he can't stand to be here, having to pretend to enjoy himself while watching Kurt slip away from him, again and again. It's not torture, there's too much relief at being close to him for that but it's more like a slow burn. It doesn't hurt but it will.

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**Review if you want...**


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